Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
