She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
