Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize