I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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