I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
