I'm really into asian looking animals
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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