i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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