On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
