It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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