I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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