I just made out with a guy for $7.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
