i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
