Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
