i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
