Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
