Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
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arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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