I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize