Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
