Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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