I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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