I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
