come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
