I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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