i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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