im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
