He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just want to make out with him forever
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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