I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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