This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
