i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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