I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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