im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
