Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
