i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
