Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
