I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
