i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
