Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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