Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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