The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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