she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
