he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.