Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.