My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?