I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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