I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
