these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
