Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
