We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
