Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
