So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i came on her dog
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
