living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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