I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Is that strawberry winking at me??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
