I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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