I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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