Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
