uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
