I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
