She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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