If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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