what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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