If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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