Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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