her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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