so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
