I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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