you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
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May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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