Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
